Here's some things I've learned that might be helpful to you:
1) Nothing good comes in a conversion van. If you see one pulling up (say, out of your office window), it's probably best to lock your door, crawl under your desk, and hide.
2) Half of zero is zero. Seriously. If you are getting divorced and you had nothing when you were married, you should expect to have nothing upon your divorce. Deal with it. (And no, I'm not divorced or getting divorced. Just getting other people divorced . . . )
3) When your first inclination is to punch someone or start screaming, it's best to take a deep breath. And eat a cupcake.
Dear little coffee shop around the corner,
Thank you. You and your delicious little carrot cake cupcake with cream cheese frosting saved my life. And probably someone elses.