Sunday, June 24, 2012

Ready (Maybe)

My training for the last year or so has been sort of non-training-ish.  I've been running (and biking and even sometimes swimming), but without following any sort of training plan.  And I haven't put in the training that I should for the races that I have done.  I think there's a couple of reasons for this - for one thing, for me running and racing goes through cycles.  I have periods where I feel very driven to train for specific goals.  But I can't do that all the time.  If I do, I end up getting obsessed with results.  And feel crushed if I don't get my expected results, which leads to running being something that makes me feel bad about myself.  Which is a little counterproductive.

The other reason for the non-training is because I have been trying to get pregnant for the past year.  When we first started trying, I assumed that I would get pregnant right away.  After all, I got pregnant with Sophie when we weren't trying and I was on the pill.  One year, two chemical pregnancies and a miscarriage later, joke's on me.  When I signed up for the Twin Cities Marathon last year, I assumed I would be pregnant and wouldn't end up running.  So I half-assed the training and had a crappy race.  When I signed up for the Wisconsin Marathon this spring - same thing.  Except then, two months before the marathon, I was pregnant.  I was still running and training for the marathon when the miscarriage started.  In my head, I thought a miscarriage would be a one day event.  In reality, between the spotting and what I consider "pre-mascarriage drama" and then the actual miscarriage, it was about three and a half weeks worth of suckiness.  By the time the whole miscarriage thing was done, it was too late for any "real" training for the marathon.  But I still ran and surprised myself with a half decent race. 

For my own sanity, I have to give up thinking about getting pregnant (easier said than done).  The desire to find something else to focus on has given me a hunger to throw myself into some solid training.  I have my sights set on two fall marathons - the Women Rock Minnesota marathon in September and the Whistlestop Marathon in October.  I think that if I put in a solid couple of months of training I can get a PR and go sub-4:30 at one of these races.

Last week, while I was resting my legs post-Grandma's (what is it about marathon recovery that makes you think about more marathons?), I made a little training plan to take me from now until September 1st (the Women Rock marathon).  I tried to keep it flexible to take into account summer schedule craziness.  I am excited to start checking off workouts.  After taking it pretty easy during the week last week, I had a couple of good workouts this weekend - a five mile run yesterday and a 40 mile bike today.  Tomorrow?   I've got speedwork on the calendar.  Now I've just got to try to remember where the track is . . .


P said...

Oh, Heather, my heart goes out to you for your loss. Having a training plan really does help take your mind away from other stresses - I hope this training plan goes well for you!

Anonymous said...

Oh, i'm so sorry…thanks for sharing. i know several people having trouble getting pregnant. Life is too busy and stressful nowadays. I think it's a good idea to focus on running. I wish you the best!

Jill said...

I feel exactly the same as you in your first paragraph...I just have enjoyed NOT training for anything specific because when I do, I get time goal fixated and right now I know that would end in a disaster because my body is nowhere near race ready. I struggle right now on whether or not to do Chicago, which I signed up for hoping I'd be way further along than I am. Not sure I want to run another craptastic marathon.

I am truly sorry about your miscarriage, I know first hand that had to be very painful. I'm so sorry :(. I didn't "try" with my first either and then when I wanted to get pregnant again, it just wouldn't happen. My doctor finally put me on fertility drugs and whala...this is why I have twins :). I wish you all the best here. Really, twins aren't too bad...after about age 5! :)

RunMommyRun said...

It's great to see you blogging again - I have missed reading your posts! Sorry to hear about the fertility troubles - I experienced issues conceiving both my boys and had a m/c in between, so I can wholly empathize, and relate to trying not to think about it (while still thinking about it).

Best of luck in your training for any upcoming events!